did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
