I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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