You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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