thus making me awesome and them whores
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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