Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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