Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
