she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
