someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
