We're facebook friends in real life
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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