I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
