So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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