wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
