stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
