guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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