you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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