Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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