Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
