The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
