she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
