he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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