I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
