BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i dont even know how to be here
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
