Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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