I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
