i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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