guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
