Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
