wrigley field is MILF paradise
"it" just moved
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
