Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
