i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
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