this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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