Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
