i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
