So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
never play flip cup with pint glasses
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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