My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
