You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
