I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
