nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
