We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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