I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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