new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
