The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
