You're my little dorito
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
