tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
