I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
