you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
