Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
