One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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