You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
