Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
