SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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