so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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