I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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