my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
