She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
