Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
