He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
