oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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