Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
