I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
