I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He better not be in your backpack
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
