Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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