On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
