he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
