Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
