You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
