No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
