Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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