well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
