literally had 100 drinks last night.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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