I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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