apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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