holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
