Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
