I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize