Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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