I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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