so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
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