GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We need to rekindle our bromance
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
