I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
