Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
