Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
