He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
