just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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