You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
