I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I miss vodka workout Fridays
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
