come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
