I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
