goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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