I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize