Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
