Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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