so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
