Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
No subtext here. People are naked.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
