You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
