weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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