I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
