Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize