girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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