i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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