we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
